A Purple Lollipop

She had made this reservation six months in advance. She had spent an astronomical amount on the perfect little black dress, not mention the shoes. She had spent time in the gym to look perfect in her little black dress. She had skipped dessert for a month. She had spent three hours getting ready, ensuring that she was head-to-toe perfection. This was her reward. This was her special night. She had picked the table towards the back, the one surrounded by candles and curtains.  The table that was now occupied by some ridiculous, spontaneous, disgusting couple who didn't make reservations or pick perfect black dresses who had, by sheer luck, stumbled in right after a cancelled reservation. Her cancelled reservation. She stood next to the hostess, squeezing her cell phone tight in hopes that she might somehow trigger a call. She knew the call would come. Her phone would light up, displaying his number on the screen. She would answer, casually of course. His voice would drift melodically across the line, "Forget it. Forget everything. Marry me."

But her phone was in her hand, cold, with a blank screen. In all likelihood, she would have stood there all night, staring, if the hostess had not finally asked her to leave. Dazed, she wandered to the nearest car where she leaned on the hood and tried to decide exactly what had soured her anticipated evening. Looking up to the scattered clouds across the night sky, she willed freak lightning to strike. She had not waited this long or planned this much to end up praying for deadly weather. Trading the sky for the ground, she sighed in resignation. They had been together for three years, to the day. The three happiest years of her life ending, not in a proposal but in a text message. Ive been done lot o thinkin and we just ant work out.Sry. He didn't even care enough to use proper spelling or grammar. It had actually taken her four rereads to decipher what exactly it had said. 

A hot tear slid down her cheek. The text message has said it all. Not only had he not cared enough to call, he didn't even care enough to make sure the message had been clear. She wiped the tear from her face and struggled to not think about what her makeup must look like. The message had been clear though. Nothing says I don't give a shit quite like an illegible text. She held her phone close to her face trying to will her anger through the plastic but ended up hurling it across the parking lot with something akin to superhuman strength. She heard a cracking noise and felt a pang of regret. This small crack was succeeded by a loud drumming of thunder. She jumped and threw her head back to peer at the sky. In the time that it had taken her to go from quite distraught to incredibly angry, the velvet blue of the sky had become a sea of dark clouds.

"Hey, lady! What the hell are you doing on my car?"

She jumped again, startled by the harsh voice coming from somewhere near the light of the restaurant entrance. Attempting to regain her composure, she called back, "Oh uh my I-I...I am, oh I am so sorry. I've just been having an awful-"

"What?! An awful night?! Your night is going to be a helluva lot worse if you've dented my goddamn car. Oh, what the hell?"

He was no longer screaming at her but at the cosmos. It had begun to rain. No, it hadn't begun to rain. The clouds had opened, giving way under the weight of all the water in the heavens. The man stopped his approach, turning his fury on the sky and she saw her opening. She sprinted around the now drenched man, up to the front of the restaurant. The doorman asked if she would like a cab to which she tried to answer yes without letting him see her face. She began attempting to wipe off what was sure to be a colossal mess of mascara. This task required so much of her that she was completely distracted when someone bumped into her.

"I'm so sorry m-m-m-am." A small boy, no older than eight was peering up at her.

"Oh that's quite alright. I'm sorry, I'm just waiting for a cab so I can leave."

"Why are you leaving? You're so pretty." He was smiling at her in the most angelic manner. She couldn't help but laugh.

"Well, I've had a bit of a rough day."

He was digging in his pockets. Out of one, he produced a small, individually wrapped purple lollipop which he promptly handed to her.

"Here you go. It will make you all better."

She laughed and took it, watching the little man get tugged away to a car. She held the lollipop to her chest and laughed again. He was right, she felt a little better already.

Here's the line. Here's you.

When talking about relationships, there are some fairly common topic areas. Sex. Dating etiquette. Meeting the parents. These are all topics that I'm sure we've heard, read, quizzed ourselves on a million times.

But what about appropriateness in a relationship?

It's a far less common topic area but one I feel compelled to address. Some of you may be wondering what I am talking about. Allow me to tell you about my inspiration.

Meet my friend, Jake. He's a metrosexual sweetheart with a good sense of humor and huge amount of talent in the music department. Oh and he's very good looking. I've known him long enough to go through a couple tough breakups with him with girls who weren't right but he was emotionally attached to.

Now meet Kayla, Jake's current girlfriend. She's a cute girl who he also met through work. And by cute, I mean I don't know much else about her. All I know, I know because Jake has told me. Mostly what I know about her is that she isn't jealous, which was at first, awesome. With Jake being one of my besties, I couldn't be happier that he was dating a girl who was cool with him and I hanging out.

Or could I?

Now, something important to know about Kayla is that she was the first girl who had slept with Jake. Something important to know about Jake and I is that on a couple of occasions we had crossed the "friend zone" line but it had never been a big deal. In fact, it actually seemed to better our friendship and deepen our trust with each other. Jake told Kayla about what had happened with him and I as a gesture to be open in their relationship. At first it wasn't a big deal. But their sex life had a couple bumps in it. Mainly that Jake wasn't particularly experienced. Now, this was something he was aware of and had come to me asking for advice. It was a touchy subject because it was an area he lacked confidence. Unfortunately it was an area she decided to prod him on.

Now here is where we reach the subject of appropriateness.

Yesterday, Jake and I spent the day driving all over Seattle, talking. At some point, I mentioned Kayla and the issues they had been having. In a fury, Jake told me how Kayla was so "un-jealous" that she had suggested that not only he tell me about his lack of confidence in the sack but also sleep with me as a sort of "practice".

The only reply I could come up with was an shocked "WTF?!" as we flew through Capitol Hill. Once I was over the inital shock and disgust of a girl suggesting her boyfriend sleep with me, a thought descended upon me. "How inappropriate!"

Now, it's one thing to have an inexperienced lover, but it's a whole other thing to, instead of taking that person under your wing and gently helping them, to shove them upon someone else, in spite of any idea of fidelity. I thought a lot about why Kayla would suggest this. Lack of ideas? Or is it something bigger? Sometimes I feel like as females, we often feel the pressure to be this sort of 'ideal girlfriend'. You know the list; in shape, good in bed, good cook, good sense of humor, doesn't nag, knows football, etc., etc. The list goes on and on. I know that somewhere on that list is jealousy. Most guys don't want a girl who is overly jealous and attacking everything that walks by him. But some females take this to the extreme, without thinking about it. They make the extension from "I don't mind that my boyfriend has girl friends" to "I don't mind if my boyfriend has sex with other girls". They don't think about how degrading it is, not only to themselves but to the entire idea of a relationship and of fidelity. At the end of the day, it doesn't solve any problems, nor does it make you the perfect girlfriend. Jake and I discussed this and he left to talk to Kayla. I haven't recieved any updates yet but I have a feeling that their relationship won't make it into next week.

Grab a drink and kick back

Welcome and hello,

All good things begin with introductions, so please, allow me to introduce myself.

I happen to be many things.

I am a listener. I love to hear stories.

I am an adviser. I can always give a little help.

I am a former barista. I've heard more than my fair share.

I am a friend to many. Boys and girls, they all have their unique something.

I am an explorer. I like to ask questions and analyze answers.

While that isn't all, I think it's enough to get started.

So, with that said, I hope you'll enjoy what I'll bring to the table.